Date: 2008-04-16 02:31 pm (UTC)
I am so glad to see you in this space. So glad for you to see that chaos and pain aren't necessarily indicators of how much someone cares for you. That peace and ease can finally bring you joy.

I think all too often, we believe there has to be a "perfect fit" that has NO disagreements/ arguments/ hard times - and that's not good, either, 'cos then every teensy thing is a reason to end the relationship. I shoot for an 80/20 balance in my relationships - it's not always going to be perfect, but I expect for it to bring me peace/ joy at least 80% of the time I devote to it. If I spend more than 20% of my time being miserable or feeling like I suck, or trying to "fix" myself -- well, that fucker's outta here, 'cos I AM better than that and I deserve more than to feel like I am the fucked up loser.

But I think we're also conditioned that pain and suffering and hurt and loss are part of the accepable package. Which... is kinda fucked up, you know? On the one hand: "If it's not a fairy tale all the time, get out! It sucks!" but on the other: "Endure the pain and hurt and that man is the only reason you have worth, so don't let him go and suck it up."

Fucking society. Lordisa forbid we try to find balance in that warped mash up of a message.
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serpentsky

April 2008

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