Date: 2008-04-16 02:58 pm (UTC)
Thanks, hon. :) You and I have known each other for a while, and you've definitely seen me in some fucked-up headspace. The funny thing is, a lot of this came after I stopped going to therapy... I suppose some people are the sort who need to find the answers in their own heads, and I'm one of them. I don't think I would have come to all of this if someone was still holding my hand and listening to my fleeting thoughts. I pretty much am forced to take them all and put the pieces together, and it's actually much healthier for how my brain works.

And yes, I agree... there's a balance. Nobody can be 100% happy as a couple, because no person is 100% happy all the time. That was a problem I had with Matt -- he expected, and pretty much demanded -- that I was never anything but smiles and sunshine. I think he wanted me to shit rainbows. And he'd get angry/abusive if I wasn't, even with good reason. I never should have taken that for the time I did.

A degree of hurt is always a part of the package... you put your heart in someone else's hands, you will inevitably get stung once in a while. And that's okay... scrapes and scratches and bee stings are all part of growing up, and a couple is essentially two people growing up, but together, and in a different direction. In my head, anyway.

Our society is all about black and white; total extremes. I also wrote something to that effect around the time I wrote this -- people forget the shades of grey and the myriad colors all too often, even though they're what we see more than anything, while seeking the absolutes of the extreme ends of the spectrum.

I wonder if that will ever change.
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